Each February we make a window display of books that would make nice Valentine’s gifts. And, being cynical booksellers, each year we also make a list (in our heads, largely) of the worst Valentine’s gifts.
This year I decided to spread the heartache and despair to the whole internet, so we’ll start with a classic: The Lives and Exploits of the Most Noted Highwaymen, Robbers, and Murderers of All Nations. Nothing says romance like the tales of thirty-four notorious criminals, most of whom met their ends at Tyburn. Take the case of “Mulled Sack”, alias John Cottington, who
frequented the tavern and, disdaining to taste of any thing but mulled sack, he acquired that appellation. One evening he there met with a young woman, with whom he was so enamored, that he ‘took her for better or for worse’. But, not enjoying that degree of comfort in this union which his imagination had painted to him, he frequented the company of other women, until it became necessary to make public contributions to supply their pressing necessities.
Ah, young love. Below, more books that you can buy today, but probably shouldn’t.
That’s not a metaphorical penknife, is it?
I’ll give you a hint. This guy does not collect books. Or stamps. Or anything remotely wholesome.
Who wouldn’t want a severed head for Valentine’s Day?
Slightly misleading title.
And the winner for most phallic dust jacket goes to…
Because no one wants a post-Valentine’s trip to the sexual health clinic.
If you don’t know the plot, read the wikipedia entry and then spend the rest of Valentine’s Day curled up under your desk whimpering.
The story of a young couple who win the equivalent of £3 million and blow it almost immediately. Well covered by a recent Bookride post.
I think this is what happens when all the spending is done.
I know Karel Capek is a very serious writer, but I can’t help smirking each time I see this one.
For some reason I never imagined Satan as a mid-level office manager with a bald patch.
This is one of the best dust jackets we have in stock. But probably not the best Valentine’s gift, unless your significant other is really into early twentieth-century avant-garde jacket design.
Because true love is profoundly selfish.
Do you have something to tell your boyfriend?
That pretty much sums it up. Happy Valentine’s Day everybody!
